Love Yourself

It’s not as easy as it looks.

It was somebody’s birthday in work and she offered everyone some chocolate cake. I told a colleague I had a small piece and asked if she wanted any. She said no, because she was watching her weight and said ‘its alright for you’. She assumed, because I’m fairly slim now, that I can eat what I want and stay thin. Well, I have lost 35lbs since Feb 2012. I have worked my arse off, literally, in the gym. I have watched my diet, sometimes obsessing over calorie intake. I can not just eat what I want. I am slim because I worked damn hard for it. Do not assume that I am naturally built this way. I have to work at it every single day.

I work out because it makes me feel good. I’m tired of hating my body. It’s time for me to love it.

He is well and truly in my head.

All I keep thinking about is his strong arms and how he could easily lift me up and throw me around in anyway he wants to… Like I said, I’m a pervert.

I hate myself.

I didn’t smile at him. I chickened out. I am so mad at myself right now. Why didn’t I just smile? It’s not hard!

Do you know the showers by the pool at the gym?

Do you ever just watch hot guys showering, it’s like porn. Hmm. I’m a pervert.

It’s decided.

Tomorrow when I see the guy at the gym, I am going to smile at him because up to now he might think I’m really unapproachable but I am a nice person! I smile and laugh all the time! So I need to show him this and pluck up the courage to just SMILE!

Update on the guy at the gym.

He sat next to me in the jacuzzi today, which was surprising as he usually avoids me at all costs. And, his car registration plate is my name backwards. MY NAME BACKWARDS. That shit is destiny.